I Am the ‘Penis and Vagina’ Kid from Kindergarten Cop: A Candid Conversation.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is best known as an iconic tough guy. Yet, during the peak of his cinematic dominance in the eighties and nineties, he also starred in several critically acclaimed comedies. The standout film is Kindergarten Cop, which hits its 35-year mark this December.
The Role and The Famous Scene
In the 1990 movie, Schwarzenegger embodies a undercover cop who masquerades as a elementary educator to track down a criminal. Throughout the movie, the crime storyline acts as a loose framework for Arnold to have charming scenes with children. The most unforgettable features a student named Joseph, who spontaneously stands up and states the former bodybuilder, “It's boys who have a penis, females have a vagina.” Schwarzenegger replies icily, “Thanks for the tip.”
The young actor was portrayed by former young actor Miko Hughes. Beyond this role included a character arc on Full House as the schoolyard menace to the child stars and the character of the child who returns in the screen translation of Stephen King’s Pet Sematary. He still works in film today, with multiple films in development. Furthermore, he is a regular on the con circuit. Recently shared his recollections from the filming of the classic after all this time.
Memories from the Set
Question: Starting off, how old were you when you filmed Kindergarten Cop?
Miko Hughes: I believe I was four. I was the smallest of all the kids on set.
That's remarkable, I can't remember being four. Do you retain any flashes from that time?
Yeah, somewhat. They're brief images. They're like mental photographs.
Do you recall how you landed the job in Kindergarten Cop?
My parents, primarily my mom would accompany me to auditions. Often it was like a cattle call. There'd be 20, 30 kids and we'd all patiently queue, go into the room, be in there for a very short time, do whatever little line they wanted and then leave. My parents would feed me the lines and then, when I became literate, that was some of the first material I was reading.
Do you have a specific memory of meeting Arnold? What was your feeling about him?
He was incredibly nice. He was enjoyable. He was nice, which I suppose makes sense. It would be strange if he was unpleasant to all the kids in the classroom, that surely wouldn't foster a productive set. He was a joy to have on set.
“It would be strange if he was unpleasant to all the kids in the classroom.”
I understood he was a big action star because my family informed me, but I had barely seen his movies. I knew the air around him — he was a big deal — but he didn't really intimidate me. He was just fun and I just wanted to play with him when he had time. He was busy, obviously, but he'd occasionally joke around here and there, and we would cling to his muscles. He'd flex and we'd be dangling there. He was incredibly giving. He bought every kid in the classroom a personal stereo, which at the time was the hottest tech. It was the coolest device, that funky old yellow cassette player. I listened to the Power Rangers soundtrack and the Ninja Turtles soundtrack for ages on that thing. It wore out in time. I also have a real silver whistle. He had the teacher's whistle, and the kids all got a whistle as well.
Do you remember your time filming as being enjoyable?
You know, it's funny, that movie became a phenomenon. It was such a big movie, and it was an incredible opportunity, and you would think, as an adult, I would want my memories to be of collaborating with Schwarzenegger, the direction of Ivan Reitman, traveling to Oregon, seeing the set, but my memories are of being a selective diner at lunch. Like, they got everyone pizza, but I didn't even like pizza. All I would eat was the meat from the top. Then, the first-generation Game Boy was just released. That was the big craze, and I was proficient. I was the youngest and some of the older kids would bring me their Game Boys to beat difficult stages on games because I was able to, and I was quite pleased with myself. So, it's all childhood recollections.
The Infamous Moment
OK, the infamous quote, do you remember anything about it? Did you grasp the meaning?
At the time, I wasn't fully aware of what the word shocking meant, but I knew it was provocative and it caused the crew to chuckle. I was aware it was kind of something I wasn't supposed to do, but I was given an exception in this case because it was funny.
“My mom thought hard about it.”
How it originated, according to family lore, was they hadn't finalized all the dialogue. A few scenes were part of the original screenplay, but once they had the entire ensemble assembled, it was more of a collaboration, but they refined it on set and, presumably it's either the director or producers came to my mom and said, "We're thinking. We want Miko to have this line. Are you okay with this?" My mom didn't answer immediately. She said, "I need to consider this, let me sleep on it" and took some time. She deliberated carefully. She said she was hesitant, but she thought it will probably be one of the most memorable lines from the movie and she was right.
