These Advice from A Father Which Saved Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of being a father.

However the reality quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple words "You're not in a good spot. You need support. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more comfortable discussing the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a wider reluctance to talk among men, who often internalise harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a show of weakness to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to request a respite - taking a couple of days away, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, speak to a family member, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their pain, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."